The Apple Cult Gang's Holiday Lecture

The Apple Cult Gang's Holiday Lecture

I like Apple products. I have my Mac LapTop, my iPad, my iPod and my itunes. I’m no iStranger to the iProducts. But stumbling over this saccharine commercial was a little too much for me. Open your heart to everyone? Apple please. The last thing you want to do is open anything to everyone. I’m surprised the little girl (who, let’s not forget is the one murdered by the original Frankenstein) doesn’t need to get some kind of $50 adaptor just to adjust the lightbulbs. 

And look at those townspeople. Clean. Gap dressed. As joyous as all the little Who’s down in Whoville. We all know that the Grinch was right about the Whos and their WhoCults, just check out the Who-luminatti reddit links.  Anyway, these Apple Munchers pity this poor PC sap who had to MacGyver his music and limp into town in an ill-fitting operating system.  Anyone else get a whiff of the hot chocolate superiority?

Now all this schmaltz would have been fine if it weren’t for that tag line – Open Your Hearts To Everyone. Didn’t anyone in a meeting mention the irony of that?

MAC EXEC: And that’s the tag line.

POLITE CLAPS

MAC COORDINATOR: Um. But we have a closed system. Should we really remind people that every time we want more money we just change the ports and the programming and we don’t let anyone else in?

MAC EXEC: There’s a precocious girl who helps Frankenstein fit in.

MAC COORDINATOER: Yes, but that’s completely counter to how our products work.

MAC EXEC: One of us. One of Us. One of Us!

ALL IN MEETING: One of us! One of us! One of us!

MAC COORDINATOR: One of us! One of us!

Now, that may not be exactly how it went, but the point is this, if you’re going to make a sappy commercial that forces us to guilt-pity those who are different, then that product should have to walk the walk of corporate talk.

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