The Craptaculus Week September 18, 2017

The Craptaculus Week September 18, 2017

JJ Forces Himself On Star Wars IX

Internet wisdom calls this a safe bet. Which is true from a certain point of view. I’m sure it’s going to be really great and better than if it was left to Trevor Noah. Is that his name? Trevor Noah? Anyway, I can’t help but think of how much I didn’t like STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS. Criticized for his leaning into the winds of fan service, STID is fan service on steroids. Don’t get me wrong, I like having my fan serviced, but there is such a thing as too much titillation. Though, if they do happen to Death Star a certain forest moon of Endor…

And at least no one will be running around in high heels.

DOWNSIZING Trailer Goes Small

This looks great!  And if it isn’t good, I’ll give it a lot of credit for just telling a good ol’ sci-fi story.

Marc Maron Gets Real

I’m hot and cold on Marc Maron. I liked the first 2 seasons of his show, then it jumped the recovery shark. He was amazing as the beat down producer trying to make it big one last time on GLOW. But I found THINKY PAIN, his Netflix stand up special to be unfocused. But in his latest, TOO REAL, Marc Maron is at his sharpest, most animated I’ve ever seen him. Even when just sitting on a stool. This is his opus of observation. This is George Carlin or Louis CK good. I started watching late at night and then couldn’t turn it off though I desperately wanted to go to bed. If over it all and have had an ass-full of crowds and expectations, do yourself a favor and watch this. If you want to know what it’s like to be over it all, do yourself a favor and watch this. Because this is where we’re all headed and it’s nice to know that someone left a light on for us.

Sleep Away Camp III: Teenage Wasteland Lays Waste To My Eyes

One of the many reasons I love cable is the endless need for content! So channels end up airing things like SLEEP AWAY CAMP 3 which, I guess, continues the story of SLEEP AWAY CAMP 2.  It opens in the streets of New York with a garbage truck chasing down a girl. Because it’s impossible to find safety in any kind of building in NY, the garbage truck runs her over and Angela, the villain of the previous SLEEP AWAY CAMP movies steps out.  She dresses up like her victim and takes her place at Camp Racist Archetype. But it’s the 80’s, where every movie is Camp Racist Archetype. Actually it’s Camp New Horizons where low income kids and high income kids get to intermingle in the hopes of making each somehow better. The more you know, kids! The bad girl gone worse goes on a killing spree that is both ridiculous and uninspired, sometimes just clubbing people to death with a stick. The most horrifying thing though is the sex scene featuring Nerd of the Decade, Michael J. Pollard. It’s the most awkward and disturbing scene ever laid to film. For those of you who wish for extra credit, it is on YouTube.

 Hi kids! I'm the original "Aw Shucks" man. Watch me pitch a tent in SLEEP AWAY CAMP III: TEENAGE WASTELAND

Hi kids! I'm the original "Aw Shucks" man. Watch me pitch a tent in SLEEP AWAY CAMP III: TEENAGE WASTELAND

CRAP OF THE WEEK

THE ORVILLE

The-Orville cast shot.jpg

I really wanted to see episode 2 of THE ORVILLE before I made any judgements. I should admit when asked how many episodes I would give it before giving up on it,  I said, "All theepisodes!" After watching episode 2, I may have misspoke. I have this nagging suspicion that I will keep watching and hoping that it will grow into itself. On a talk show, Seth McFarlane claimed to the effect that this type of sci-fi had never been done before referring to the mix of comedy and drama and that THE ORVILLE really cracked the nut on the format. He was wrong on both counts. PEOPLE OF EARTH is the first to come to mind that mingles sci-fi and comedy and optimism, I'm sure that there many more examples. (Give a shout below of your fave!).   Mostly, THE ORIVLLE has not cracked the nut on this. I don’t think it has even found the nut-crackers or the drawer where they are kept. It mimics old STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION with it’s static camera and brightly lit sets. Yet It feels sluggish and the laughs are based on snide comments and throw-a-way references instead of character and conflict. Yes, I will watch it more. And yes, I will hope that it gets better. And yes, I don’t think it will.

"Angry 80's Nerd" Roland D. Pierce's letter to George Lucas on Empire Strikes Back

"Angry 80's Nerd" Roland D. Pierce's letter to George Lucas on Empire Strikes Back

The Craptaculus Week September 3, 2017

The Craptaculus Week September 3, 2017