The Craptaculus Week September 3, 2017
I'm not going to lie to you, intrepid internet reader, I don't know if it should be THE CRAPTACULUS WEEK or THIS CRAPTACULUS WEEK....You know what? It could be THE CRAPTACULUS WEEK THAT WAS! Ah, paralyzation by options! It's the great creative procrastination excuse of the ages! But f' it & onward!
KERMIT CROAKS AND GETS A NEW VOICE
After separating puppet from master, Disney premieres the new voice of Kermit the Frog. After 30 years, Steve Whitmire was asked to exit stage left of the Muppet Theater. Now Matt Vogel provides the voice for everyone’s favorite Sesame Street investigative reporter. Honestly, for the past couple of years, I thought the voice actor on Kermit had changed up anyway. There’s a part of me that feels like, “meh, sounds like Kermit,” and another part that feels, “Hey, there is a bit more positivity in his voice. He doesn’t sound like a depressed, apathetic frog giving in to the warming stew!”
SEND IN THE AMERICAN HORROR TRAILER
I don’t watch AHS. I do watch the trailers though. I think they probably have more popularity than the show itself and this is the best yet! Hypno Club Dancing Clowns – F’ yes! Hey everybody, remember when BUGS LIFE and ANTZ came out at the same time like some kind of corporate zeitgeist quagmire of children’s entertainment? Well, this year’s ants are Clowns and they are everywhere! Here's a basket, have a picnic with that thought!
FORCE FRIDAY II
I remember standing in line at midnight at a Toys R Us in Burbank to get a first look at STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE toys. I still have those toys. Mint in package, thank you very much. Friday, I sat at my desk and googled-ogled the new Star Wars toys. Ah, how times have changed. When I finally felt the urge to hit Toys R Us, I expected to not find anything accept ravaged shelves and the tears of collectors. But not so! There were plenty of figures and A-list items. Not a ton mind you, it was mostly C-3PO, Hux and Rose. Wait. Really? Rose, that's the characters Star Wars name? F' it & onward! I got the Han Solo / Boba Fett two pack.
DAVE MADE A MAZE
Artist, Dave’s post-turning-30 breakdown manifests itself as an external self-propagating, card-board maze of his internal fears, snares and anger. Layered in metaphor that would make Pink Floyd’s THE WALL blush, Nick Thune as Dave & cast deliver their heavy double-entendre lines of dialogue with an authentic charm. Dave and his distancing girlfriend, Meera Rohit Kumbhani, desire, yet inept attempts to find their way with each other is the core story in this labyrinth of allegory. The booby-traps that Dave has inadvertently laid out for his friends are seeped in such disdain for them that tripping them speaks far louder than Dave’s words. It is an amazing descent into the passive-aggressive millennial mind that boils with the frustration of inability at war with the determination for growth. Smothered in comedy, it’s fun to see a movie seeping in so much analogy without winking non-stop to the camera. The trailer portrays the movie perfectly so if you find yourself chuckling at the trailer, find yourself the movie.
THE CRAPTACULUS THING OF THE WEEK!
THE SWEDES MADE A THOR TRAILER
Speaking of cardboard, this is a corrugated delight! Ala HISHE, I see an empire of trailer re-creation built out of cardboard. They did this over a weekend. One weekend! If I get the Sunday paper from the curb, I consider that a win. And I’ll watch this again and consider that a win too!